I wrote this on my SubStack newsletter originally – go subscribe at outofmymind.substack.com

As I write this, it’s 11:38 PM and I’m starting to fall asleep.

I woke up today with one goal in mind: To study for my physics test tomorrow.

Guess what I didn’t do?

That’s right. I spent the whole day being “productive” in another sense. I got around to finally figuring out what classes to take for the fall semester, met with an advisor, finished my calc homework, attended a meeting, yet no studying got done.

I meant to do it. I really did. So why didn’t I study? Where does this issue come from? It’s not as if I was actively avoiding it. I was ready to study. I had no reason not to. And now I’m sitting here asking myself if it’s worth beginning to study now, or waiting to start until tomorrow morning.

I feel like I should be more worried. Why am I not worried? I’m oddly calm, and I find it disturbing. I should be freaking out. This test is worth a considerable portion of my grade, and I’m still doing anything to avoid studying, including writing my very first newsletter post (woo!).

Procrastination is a double-edged sword. Feels good in the moment, even feels right, until you’re met with the consequences of your actions sooner rather than later.

It’s not as if I was being lazy, but I do this every time. Waiting until the last minute to study and then hoping for the best. Don’t do this. Don’t be me. I think it comes from a combination of feeling as if I don’t know how to study for a subject like physics, and fearing the worst if I actually try. What if I don’t understand the material? What if nothing makes sense? (really nothing makes sense anymore)

The key is to try though, and I need to stop fighting my inner-self and recognize I’m only hurting my own ability to advance and do better. How can I learn if I don’t even give myself a chance?

Maybe I’ve finally learned my lesson (I hope so anyway). I can improve and I will, because I want to do better and I want to change. That’s really all it takes.

Take it from me. Stop procrastinating.

And now, back to studying.